February 2023

PRESCRIPTION FOR LOVE

“We were about to celebrate the 25th anniversary of our marriage, but for about 10 years, I was disconnected from my husband,” Doreen Cliffe discloses. “I felt trapped in a world I didn’t want to be in with somebody who didn’t care about me. We had been doing health and wellness ministry, and we went to church and put on that face of hypocrisy, like everything was okay. Nobody had any idea that our marriage had ended…not one person. There is shame in living in a relationship that’s not working out, yet you’re just in that relationship because you have to be. What if people find out?”

“I am an expert in conflict resolution, trained by the experts in the RCMP, I took university courses in that field, and I taught lawyers how to ask questions in an appropriate way. I could settle half a million-dollar lawsuits for a large company, but when I would get home, I would argue over which way to put the toilet paper—over or under. We couldn’t resolve it.” Marlon Cliffe’s ongoing frustrations with his marriage kept mounting, “When it came to an emotional connection, I had no way of dealing with even the smallest conflicts. In the corporate world, dealing strictly with intellect, I was great, but at home we had a very tough time resolving any conflict. By the way,” Marlon smiles, “I did the research: it has been scientifically proven that the toilet paper is meant to hang over and not under.”

“Tell me what’s wrong,” Marlon’s daughter sat on the step of their garage, just sobbing.

“Daddy, why doesn’t Mommy love you anymore?”

Looking back on that moment, Marlon recalls: “I put my arm around her, but that question just broke my heart, and I answered, ‘I don’t know.’ We sat there for many minutes crying together. After that I went into my office and prayed on my knees for a long time. When I got off my knees, I started reading my Bible, and God led me to 1 Corinthians 13:8, ‘Love never fails.’ That’s where I argued: ‘God, that’s not true. Look at my marriage. It’s falling apart. Love does fail. And God spoke to me very clearly: ‘Your love failed. My love doesn’t fail. Go back to verse one and read the entire chapter.’ When I read: ‘Love is patient, love is kind…. it is not self-seeking’ (vs. 4, 5) the Lord asked me: ‘Marlon, were you always patient with Doreen? Were you always kind? Were you unselfish?’ I had to admit that I was very selfish in the relationship. I realized that I had failed. From that moment to this, those words are printed in my brain: ‘Love never fails.’ That’s when I surrendered, ‘Okay, Lord, I’m going to try it your way.’ I then meditated on 1 Corinthians 13 every day for weeks, and I read every relationship book and took every course I could to help me win my wife back. God opened my eyes, and we now teach the principles for making marriage work in our workshops and retreats.”

“God helped my husband to restore our marriage. People say it takes two to make a marriage work. In our case it just took one person because, after almost 25 years of marriage, I was done,” Doreen Cliffe admits. “I know that God was 100% involved because I left the marriage, but God brought me back. I tried to leave again, but again God turned me around. We both didn’t love each other at that stage, but Marlon turned to the LORD, and through God’s strength, he was able to love me in a way that he had never loved me before.”

“For six months, I pursued my wife, with no positive response from her side, but that didn’t matter.” Marlon emphasizes, “I knew it only took one to make a marriage. I had to love and pursue her the way Christ loved and pursued the church.”

“I didn’t know how to love him back, but all I did was say, ‘I choose to love my husband,’ and within six months, I was head over heels in love with him in a way I had never been before. And that’s where it all began. Our failed marriage sparked a passion to help others save their marriages.”

Marlon and Doreen Cliffe are now certified Gottman Educators for The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and trained Caring for the Heart Ministries lay counsellors, openly sharing their own story of a failing marriage, educating and coaching couples to work through the frustrations, the silence and the distance that can develop over time.

Since the number one prayer request, we receive at It Is Written Canada is about children abandoning their faith and the resulting family sorrow, we are partnering with Marlon and Doreen Cliffe to present marriage and family seminars in churches throughout Canada.

If you wish to learn more about this new marriage and family workshop: “Prescription for Love,” or how you can request a marriage and family seminar to be held in your area, please, call us at It Is Written Canada: (905) 404-6510, or email us at: information@iiw.ca

~ Mike Lemon