October 2024
LIVING THE LIFE YOU DIDN’T CHOOSE
Dr. Frederic Luskin is the director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project, one of the largest and most important studies on forgiveness ever conducted. In one of his talks online, Dr. Luskin explains how forgiveness is living the life you didn’t choose. He sees forgiveness as the resolution of our objection to life and making peace when we didn’t get what we wanted.
In other words, someone offended you, someone trespassed against you, someone violated you or hurt you in some way…
You didn’t choose it.
You didn’t choose that defilement to your life.
Someone else did that to you.
That violation invaded your world and became a part of your reality.
How are you going to deal with this desecration you didn’t choose?
When people do evil against you, it plants a seed in your heart: a seed of bitterness, a seed of anger, a seed of resentment, and if you don’t root that seed out, over time, you will fertilize it and wallow in it, and you will grow angrier and fantasize about exacting revenge. Over time, if you dwell on your resentment, you will become like the person who did the evil to you.
The act of forgiving does not change the person who hurt you.
The act of forgiveness changes and heals you.
Forgiveness heals the person who has been wronged!
Let me make this crystal clear, forgiveness does not mean condoning the behavior of those who have hurt us. Too often we get this false impression of forgiveness because when someone says, “I’m sorry I hurt you,” we tend to reply, “Oh, it’s okay.” Or “It’s all right.”
No. It’s not all right.
We should say, “I forgive you.”
Forgiveness does not mean that when someone hurt you, what they did was in any way right. No, never. It’s not all right!
Evil is not okay; evil will NEVER be acceptable!
Forgiveness is a choice that we make to release our past and heal our present.
It’s giving up believing your past will change. Your past happened, and no amount of wishing it away, or resenting it, or holding onto the pain and letting it control you will ever make it better.
So, let me say it again: Forgiveness is the only mechanism for rooting out the bitterness, the resentment, and the anger within you. Forgiveness is deciding, with divine help, to be at peace in the present rather than at war within your head, no matter what happened 10 minutes ago or 10 years ago.
When my mother dropped me off at the orphanage at the age of 3, I cried. I was inconsolable, and I was afraid. From the age of 3 to 16, I lived at that orphanage in Saskatchewan, and after 13 years, I was a bitter teenager, anesthetizing my pain with booze and other substances.
What I want to share with you on It Is Written Canada this month is a bit about my journey of forgiveness—the forgiveness of my mom, my dad, my forgiveness towards God, towards myself, and towards others who hurt me. It will be a deep dive into how I was personally able to make the choice to live the life I didn’t choose; I am hoping this part of my story may help others who are struggling to forgive those who hurt them.
If you miss my story on CTV, you may go to iiw.ca or It Is Written Canada’s YouTube videos and click on the program entitled: “Living the Life You Didn’t Choose.”
– Mike Lemon
Upcoming Episodes
OCTOBER 5
Living the Life You Didn’t Choose
Pastor Mike shares his personal experience of how God showed him that forgiveness is a choice to release the past and heal the present. It’s giving up believing the past will change. Forgiveness is a choice to live the life you didn’t choose.
OCTOBER 12
How to Save a Failed Marriage: From Ashes to Beauty
Marlon and Doreen Cliffe know the frustration of a lonely, disconnected marriage with the ongoing feelings of hopelessness. The good news is that they have also experienced restoration and happiness in their marriage, and they love showing how you can experience it too!
OCTOBER 19
Accountability—There is Always a Choice
The human heart is naturally defensive. Pastor Bill Spangler will demonstrate how there is a freedom that comes from honestly acknowledging and owning our words and behavior that have caused pain and the breakdown of relationships, either with God or with those we love.
OCTOBER 26
The THREE Key Components of Marital Friendship
According to marriage researcher, Dr. John Gottman, in his book The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work: “The determining factor for the HAPPINESS of marriage for both men and women was the quality of the couple’s FRIENDSHIP.” Learn the THREE ingredients to creating safety, friendship, and intimacy in your marriage and other significant relationships.
It Is Written Canada Celebrates 50 Years!
It has been 50 years since Henry Feyerabend launched his first TV broadcast in Canada. To celebrate It Is Written Canada’s 50th anniversary, we decided to stage several rallies at various churches across the country during the months of September and October, and we will soon let you know where these rallies will be. To enjoy our classic programs with Pastor Henry Feyerabend, please visit us at iiw.ca and click on IIWC Classics.
Upcoming In-Person Events
October 5:
50th Anniversary Rally
Bowmanville SDA Church
–Bowmanville, ON
October 12:
50th Anniversary Rally
Westminster SDA Church
– Burnaby, BC
October 19:
50th Anniversary Rally
Henderson Highway SDA Church
– Winnipeg, MB
October 21 – 24:
Tackling the Temptations of Technology Presentations
Parkview Adventist Academy
– Lacombe, AB
October 26:
50th Anniversary Rally
Calgary Central SDA Church
– Calgary, AB
THIS MONTH’S FREE OFFER – Tears and Triumphs, by Henry Feyerabend
This book consists of the unedited scripts that Henry Feyerabend wrote for a series shot on location in Newfoundland. Henry and his crew spent six weeks filming to capture the unique atmosphere and to glean truths and object lessons from ‘The Rock’.
BLACK BEAN MEATBALLS
INGREDIENTS:
- 1 flax egg (Mix 1 Tbsp. ground flax seed with 2 1/5 Tbsp. water, transfer to refrigerator and let thicken)
- 1 can (15-ounce) black beans, drained and rinsed
- 1/4 cup of bread crumbs
- 1/4 cup Vegan Parmesan or nutritional yeast
- Italian Seasoning: 1 teaspoon dried oregano, 1/2 teaspoon dried thyme, 1/2 teaspoon dried basil, 1/2 teaspoon dried rosemary, 1/2 teaspoon dried sage. You may also use 2 tablespoons of store-bought Italian seasoning.
- 2 tablespoons dried minced onion
- 1 teaspoon garlic powder
- 2 tablespoons ketchup or tomato paste
- 1 teaspoon vegetarian Worcestershire sauce
- Salt to taste
INSTRUCTIONS:
- Preheat your oven to 375˚F and line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
- Drain and rinse the black beans, microwave for 1 minute, and mash until they are fairly smooth. Add the remaining ingredients, including the flax egg, and mix everything together until well combined. The mixture should have a firm, but moldable, dough consistency.
- Scoop out 1 tablespoon of the mixture, roll into a ball, and set on the baking sheet. Repeat until all the black bean meatball
mixture has been used. - Place in the oven and bake for 20-25 minutes. The black bean meatballs should crisp up on the outside.
- Remove from the oven, let sit for just a couple of minutes.
Enjoy! - Serving Suggestion: Place the cooked black bean meatballs in a nonstick frying pan or skillet, add your favorite marinara
sauce, and cook over medium heat until everything is hot. Remove from heat and enjoy with pasta and garlic bread!